K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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