I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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