glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
