Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's shark week go big or go home
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize