I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
