They should really pass out barf bags in church
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize