I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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