apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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