i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
