Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
