Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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