just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So many bounce houses so little time
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
