Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize