my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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