I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
