I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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