the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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