Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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