Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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