She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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