I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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