I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
