How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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