Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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