I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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