I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
