it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
