Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
