the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
