I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
