Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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