I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
