I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
