Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So many bounce houses so little time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize