Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
