My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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