So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
