Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
