Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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