I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
