I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just high enough for therapy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
