Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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