I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
