Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
