When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
