I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
