Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.

Fav 33 2053 5387
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(361): View more from Texas

I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

Fav 21 4658 1845
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(605): View more from South Dakota

So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

Fav 16 3948 1409
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(863): View more from Florida

I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

Fav 8 2273 1266
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...

Fav 19 1227 4307
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(647): View more from Ontario

I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.

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