Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
