Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
