swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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