Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
