I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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