I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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