If i come over, it means nothing
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
