My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
