i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize