I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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