Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
