Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
