Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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