Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
