i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
