Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
