dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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