He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
