Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
