Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
